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Entries in Jiffy (1)

Friday
Dec262014

A Boxing Day Proposal

 

 

It's Boxing Day.

In some circles apparently it is Boxing Week.

But why stop? Why not live large and make it Boxing Month?

Or could we go all in, and make 2015 The Boxing Year?

Of course there will be war over whether it should be a Gregorian Boxing Year or Javanese, Kurdish, Discordian, Runian, Julian, Assyrian or Halocene Boxing Year. But why quibble? Why not celebrate each and all? Because after that, all things equal, every fourth annum, for kicks, we could enjoy a Leap Boxing Year. And to recognize the years falling between we could have a Biennium Boxing Year and Triennium Boxing year (to roughly accommodate the Hebrew, Buddhist, Coptic, Igbo, Mayan and Berber calendars) only to be crowned by The Olympian Boxing Year.

At this point someone, undoubtedly, will feel strongly that our political leaders must be pressed to declare the next 10 years the Boxing Decade. And having accomplished this we could in all humility declare ourselves truly to be the Boxing Generation. Those of us still around in 50 years could celebrate with a bowl of spotted dick and bottle of single malt the Boxing Jubilee.

Then there'd be every reason in 100 years for the offspring of offspring to triumphantly announce the end of the Boxing Century. Surely then though someone very smart would come up with the splendid idea that nothing could surpass a special celebration of the Boxing Millennium. Think of it: In a million years we'd have completed an earth-shattering Boxing Age. We trust that in 10 million years there would be someone to witness humanity's near-ultimate achievement - the Boxing Epoch - to be surpassed, at 100 million years, by The Boxing Era.

Sometime after this, indeed in exactly the precise amount of time it takes the Solar System to orbit the centre of the Milky Way Galaxy (once) our human descendants then could celebrate the almost unsurpassable Galactic Boxing Year! This period would only be surpassed by the Boxing Eon (500 million years) and by Boxing Infinity.

Now can I be honest with you? May I say that I don't feel well prepared for Boxing Infinity? In fact I don't really feel up for Boxing Day. Might we go in another direction entirely? Might we have just one Boxing Hour? To be completely candid I'd settle for a Boxing Minute. Or a Boxing Second. Even a Boxing Millisecond. I could even live comfortably with a Boxing Nanosecond or a Boxing Picosecond. The term Boxing Svedberg has a nice ring. And Boxing Jiffy is palatably pleasing and could even, in time, be further shortened to, simply, a BJ. Boxing Yoctosecond? Boxing Planck Time Unit. Ah! There we are. I'll settle for that. In fact that went by so fast I hardly noticed. Until next time.

(Illustration: Another Day at the Office 12x9 w/c & ink)